What Should I Feel?


Dear Reader,

Today I am going to do something different than what is normally posted here. Instead of posting a story, explaining a topic or telling you about my day I am going to ask you a question. This type of post is something I have had on mind for a while and I hope it can help me gain perspective.

These are a few random thoughts/encounters I’ve had over the previous few weeks and I would like your insight:

  1. I saw a man in wheelchair trying to open a door. He was roughly my age and he still had his leg so I just assumed they just didn’t work. My thought was I should help him but does that belittle him? Is it wrong to offer a paraplegic help even if I know I wouldn’t have offered anyone else help in that situation? I know if I constantly had people offering me assistants and feeling sorry for me I would grow annoyed. What’s your opinion?
  2. While studying for finals I saw a rather large woman (maybe 600+ lbs) walking around campus in a mumu. I immediately felt bad for her, I wish someone would help her lose weight. Now is that wrong? Is that body shaming? I did instantly judge her based on her looks so did I do something wrong? Is it equivalent to seeing a black woman and wishing someone would make her white? (which is not something I do, just an example) Should I not automatically assume she is unhappy because she is obese?
  3. I saw a young woman with a massive and very noticeable leg deformity. I stared not to make her uncomfortable but because I was curious. Was that an alright thing to do? She never saw me staring at her but if she did would it make my actions worse? Should I have just approached her with my questions or just leave her alone?

Alright these were a few things I thought about over the last few weeks. I am not writing this to embarrass anyone or put anyone on the spot, I just have questions. I did my best to handle these topics with care but if this post offended you in anyway please let me know.

Finally, these are actual questions and as such I do want answers. Please leave a comment telling me your thoughts, insights, stories or perspectives.


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-Tye Files


19 thoughts on “What Should I Feel?

  1. I remember flicking through the channels a few years ago and stumbling across a question on, The Last Leg : ‘Is it okay to punch someone in a wheelchair if they’re being a dick?’ The answer was, ‘It depends on how much of a dick they’re being.’ Don’t give yourself too hard a time. Sounds like you’re challenging your internal stereotypes, which is pretty awesome. Plus, you can check out, The Last Leg, on YouTube. Which, if you haven’t already seen it, is also pretty awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great questions actually. ☺️ 1. I would have helped him. If he was bothered I would have apologized and thats it. But yes, definitely help him. 2. Some people have weight problems due to health issues. I don’t think we should judge people by their appearance. Even if she doesn’t have health problems, if she likes it that way, it’s her own thing. 3. Yeah….not nice to stare. If she realized it she might have felt awkward. Definitely don’t approche her either. I know we are curious but people might feel embarrassed. ☺️

    Liked by 2 people

      • It’s her problem either way. You know I used to be super skinny and people thought I was anorexic, which was never the case. People would stop me on the street just to tell me how skinny I look. They thought they helped me? Probably. I felt so embarrassed every time that I didn’t want to get out of the house anymore. I was naturally skinny and I gained some weight recently, again naturally. So I didn’t have any problem, it was just the way I was. I honestly think that when it comes to someone’s appearance it’s a ‘no,no’. ☺️

        Liked by 1 person

  3. All the questions you ask often go through my mind as well. I don’t mean to judge and I’m very aware of judging as well. I try my best to keep an open mind and be happy for everyone. But sometimes these things jump at you, and honestly I’m left feeling the same way you do. All I can contribute to this discussion is that you’re not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is my humble opinion, not an expert one.
    1. I would offer to help. If kindness offends someone, they have other issues. Don’t make a big deal.
    2. She knows she has a problem. Leave her alone concerning her weight.
    3. Don’t stare. It’s not polite.
    These are tough social situations. I try to treat everyone with kindness and respect. I appreciate you are thinking about other people’s well-being.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. As for the man in the wheelchair. Yes, it can be annoying to assume we need help but it can also be heart breaking that individuals can just look on when sometimes all we need is our faith restored that there are kind hearted people willing to help. Sometimes just that simple would you like some help? makes all the difference. In my view you shouldn’t assume he needed help or that it would annoy him. Instead just ask. Can I get the door for you?That gives him the option to decline.

    As for the over weight woman. It is one thing to want for her to be healthy and want the best for her. Another to assume that she is unhappy. She may be perfectly comfortable with who she is.

    For the young woman with the deformity it is normal to be curious and often causes us to stare but I can tell you from my own experiences and growing up with a mother that has a deformed hand we would much rather you just ask. In fact my mother used to combat the stares and awkward moments by just explaining.

    That’s just my point of view. Never assume, be kind, and when in doubt simply ask. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Excellent questions.
    1. Most of the time when I offer to open the door and someone is in a wheelchair, they don’t seem offended. It’s polite to do with anyone. So if they get pissed, that’s really on them. As long as you would do it for everyone (which I would), then I think there’d be nothing wrong. All about good intentions.
    2. I get the weight thing. I personally have had weight problems all my life, and at my highest (I rarely discuss this), I was 360. I carry weight well, so no one knew how high my weight was but me. Some of it came from comfort eating, but the rest came from a slow as hell metabolism. I know this for a fact bc back in my “partying” days, I would take ecstasy with my friends and I wouldn’t feel the effects sometimes until I had to go home from the party. It sucked.
    Now I have been working on my weight all my life, and it’s easier to gain weight than to lose it. I can’t imagine being 500+ lbs. I would prob want to die. But some ppl don’t feel that way. However, I do think some people just give up. Especially married people. I have lost 60 lbs on this new medicine and I’m very happy. I’ll never be a skinny girl, but I do get hit on, and not just by creeps. I think the main reason people care about their weight is BECAUSE of ridicule. If I could lose it all tomorrow, I would trade everything. I almost could imagine having an eating disorder, but I get too hungry. Lol.
    3. If I don’t know someone, I don’t ask about the deformity. But I am guilty of staring. I’m sure I wouldn’t like it if ppl stared at me if I had a deformity. For the most part, try to look away. It’s the best anyone can do.
    We are all human, and I think people forget that. Most people aren’t malicious but anything against the norm makes us second guess ourselves. I feel bad for those who deal with disabilities, but it seems now they embrace them, and that’s ok. We as non-handicapped people can only do what we can: try to be polite, think any possible offensive thoughts privately, and try to be good people. Thinking doesn’t hurt anyone, I think it’s natural to be curious or be considerate or care. Makes you s good person with a good heart.
    Soo sorry about the long response!

    Liked by 1 person

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